Sunday, June 3, 2012

Supposed to be good for you.

When pursuing a Masters degree in writing, there's a great deal of encouragement to do some actual writing.  My surprise at this perhaps says a bit about where I was as a writer prior to setting out for an advanced degree, which I've learned is quite a bit more than just an expensive deadline generator.  It is that as well, however, and it is to those deadlines the last year of my writing efforts have gone.  Other than email, of course, in which milieu I am staggeringly prolific, as an audience of one strikes in me nowhere near the fear of producing something which may be read by tens.

Alas, part of living the "writer life" is writing more than just emails and assignments on deadline.  A year ago, it was suggested to us newbie scholars to journal and/or blog.  In a roiling online discussion about this topic, I likened journaling to masturbation (presumably as justification for the fact that I didn't journal–not that there's anything wrong with masturbation, unless to you there is, in which case I would suggest not reading my blog on masturbation featured prominently on these pages some day in the future).  Blogging is therefore like masturbation on a webcam; something I would never do, of course, at least not from a traceable IP address or without my Richard Nixon mask.

A fellow classmate said this about blogging:

"As for blogs, I think they can be a good exercise, especially in editing, because it forces you to proof (at least it does me) because I can't stand the thought of anonymous strangers on the internet thinking I'm an idiot because I misspelled something."

Naturally, his misspellings are not the reason any of us thought him an idiot (I promise not to use your name, Ben, if you promise not to read this).  As there is no shortage of misspellings (or idiots) on the internets, I'll assume that my blogging will not automatically enroll me in that particular obtuse subset.

In any case–and thanks to Ben for his uncredited cameo here–I can see where this is going.  I started this post several weeks ago, and, as rambling and verbose as it is, I can see that it really hasn't gone anywhere.  All this writing is supposed to be good for me.  But what's it to you?  So, wishing to give my audience of many (ok, none) some value, I'll offer at least one piece of tested advice in each blog.

Today's advice:

If you have water damage in your home, you will likely have mold.  If you have mold, guys in space suits will come to your house and tear walls out and place "negative air pressure machines" in your home, and generally treat you like something out of The Hot Zone.  If you are treated this way, you will battle with an insurance company long and hard enough to get out of containment level 3 that they will eventually agree to put your entire family and two dogs up at the Pelican Hill resort, which is a ridiculous decision on their part, honestly.  If you are put up at the resort, you will eventually find the time to sit back on the couch, have a cocktail, and ramble through to the end of your first blog.  So, to sum up: get mold in your house.  It's good for your writing.


  1. If I thought my insurance company would put me up at the Pelican Hill Resort in southern California I would plan my mold infestation for February. Nice to see you up and running! Looking forward to seeing you in July (in case there was any doubt.)

  2. Thank you for commenting, T. I am so proud to have an audience of 1.

  3. An audience of 2! Also, brb flooding my house so as to get a mold infestation.

    Also, thanks for the mention. I can't believe that stuck with you. Maybe I won't kill myself today?

  4. My house may be working on mold at this very moment. Since the 11 feet of snow melted and flooded basements all over Anchorage, I have been afraid to look at my crawl space.

    Congrats on the blog, Dan!